Dating a Divorced Man in His 40S: You Really Need to Understand About This

Last updated: Nov 7, 2022
Dating a Divorced Man in His 40S: You Really Need to Understand About This

Many people have been desperately looking for the right person to date. Some of them would prefer to date a divorced man in his 40s because they understand that he has already been married before and thus, he should know what it takes to be in a committed

If you've already gone through a divorce, you will understand how different life is now from how it was when you were single. You can still deal with the financial strain and mental pain brought on by the divorce, be a part-time parent, still dispute with an ex, or have other responsibilities.

Nevertheless, you deserve love since that is what you want. A divorced man may have a few things that make his life less simple than you'd like, but that does not mean he is not a top candidate for the position of Mr. Right.

Tips on Dating a Divorced Man in His 40s

If you are dating a divorced man in his 40s, don't forget the following rules:

Rule 1: Refrain from interfering.

You'd better stay out of the relationship until he demonstrates his commitment to the divorce by going through with it. If you start to date him when he is still in the middle of his divorce, you might be considered a destructive houseguest by his wife. That is something you want. So, make sure about his marital status before you are all in. If you started first, then you might start to distrust him. What will prevent him from cheating on you if he already cheated on his wife while they were still married?

Rule 2: Recognize his justifications.

He may start making up a lot of reasons for why he can't go, especially if it has been some time since he and his wife split up, such as He doesn't want to harm her, he'll miss the kids, the divorce would cost him so much he can't afford it yet...

Rule 3: Challenge him.

Ask him politely what is keeping him from divorcing you. Such a confrontation will either wake him up or reveal his genuine motives. You have the right to inquire, so go ahead.

Rule 4: Be informal.

If you still feel at ease dating a man about to get divorced, go ahead. Simply said, don't put too much faith in him, and don't put much faith in yourself. Not until you are certain he is committed to the relationship and preparing to end his previous marriage.

Rule 5: Avoid acting the shrink.

His friends and therapist should handle his marital issues and breakup grief. Someone sincere about you won't moan about his failed marriage the entire time you are with him. Even more critically, don't attempt to counsel him in any manner or pressure him into divorcing. You would like a divorcee who decides on his own, not because of pressure.

Rule 6: Retracting is never too late.

Consider leaving and telling him to call you when he's divorced and ready to start over if you believe he isn't committed to your relationship and won't end it soon.

dating a divorced man

Important Details about Dating a Divorced Man in His 40s

A man who has moved out, filed for divorce, and is moving forward with the divorce is said to be divorcing. For the following reasons, dating a divorced man in his 40s who is divorcing is very different from dating a man who is divorced:

You may be interested in: What Should You Do When Dating Mature Single Ladies?

  •  He hasn't divorced his wife.
  • Any man who has been married before may suffer from unresolved grief. However, a male who is divorced faces far more dangerous. Simply put, he hasn't had enough time to grieve and heal.

  •  He isn't interested in having a real relationship.
  • There may be various reasons why a man won't be interested in a committed relationship immediately following or even throughout his divorce. If he is ambivalent, breaks dates, shows interest for a while and then doesn't, or even says he isn't looking to start a serious relationship - which, shockingly, not many women take seriously and still think they can alter his mind - you may tell that he isn't interested in doing so, and this is the time that you should move on.

  • He wants to keep your relationship a secret.
  • Making the relationship known could jeopardize any agreement he's trying to reach with his ex-wife, particularly if there are children involved. In addition to making his wife envious and furious, he might also appear unprofessional in front of the judge and the custody assessors.

    Dating a Divorced Man in His 40S

    Things to Consider before Dating a Divorced Man in his 40's

    1. He might lie about the circumstances of the divorce.

    You might naturally ask a new guy who has been divorced about the circumstances of his marriage on your second or third date with him. Any one of the following will occur:

    He'll be upfront and honest about the cause ("We argued frequently. It was a poisonous atmosphere. He'll say something rambling or mysterious, like, "It just wasn't meant to be." You don't want to hear that, I know. However, according to my mother, who has assisted countless people in navigating the complex world of divorce, it's a very uncomfortable subject for most people, and dating a divorced man frequently leads to the discovery that he may not want to talk about it at all.

    But you need to understand how it occurred. On your first date, you don't need to interrogate the person, but if things seem to progress into a relationship, you have a right to know about his background because, as they say, history repeats itself. You need to be very cautious about how that would affect your connection with him if he cheated on his wife or struggled with rage. Even though I dislike making generalizations like "once a cheater, always a cheater," you have to consider the potential risk. Was it a one-time occurrence during a trying moment in his relationship, or was he a cheater regularly? If his ex-wife betrayed or hurt him, it could be difficult for him to confide in and open up to you. Can you tolerate his mistrust and resentment?

    2. His ex-wife will remain in his life.

    This, according to Ann, is particularly true when kids are involved. You are dating the entire package - including, to some extent, the ex-spouse - if you see a divorced man with children. If you decide to move in with him, you will probably share parenting duties with your boyfriend and his children's mother. Even if meeting the ex is unpleasant, it may be necessary at some point if you want to build a relationship with her and her kids. This may help with the transition to the new family dynamic. Attempt not to harbor jealousy toward their union. He is with you and has moved on from her. If they share custody of the children, he will need to talk to her, which might take some time to get used to. Give yourself some time to acclimate. Talk to him about setting limits if she is going too far. She might text rather than enter your shared house when she comes to pick up the kids.

    3. He might not want to wed once more.

    Even if a divorced man is madly in love with you after a few months of dating, you need to be aware that he might never desire to remarry. If the divorce was contentious, it's possible that the trauma made him feel that he never wanted to go through it again. You naturally assume that you wouldn't get divorced if you were to get married, but he is cautious and guarding his heart by excluding the idea of getting married again. You can go in a couple of different directions here. It is okay if you're happy to maintain a committed relationship without getting married. But if you want to wed a man like this, you have two options: either you can wait patiently and hope that he ultimately gets over the pain of his divorce and realizes you're the wife he's always wanted, or you can let go and move on if you believe he won't ever change his mind.


    Remember what you're searching for while dating a divorced man in his 40s, regardless of whether you've been through a divorce yourself or have simply kissed many frogs in the preceding several decades. "Pay attention to both your needs and his needs. It's crucial to remember that your needs are just as essential as his, Ann advises. Check to see if he's worth the time and effort, as he can require more than you anticipate because you are worth the wait for the proper man to come along!