Here are ten of the most prevalent behaviors we avoid acknowledging when dating online.
I'm one of the millions of people who use dating apps to look for their next one-night stand or committed relationship. But whatever we're seeking, it seems that we all have a few things in common. Yes, they are things that we all do, but now is the moment to observe them and choose which ones we can eliminate before the new year.
When creating our online dating profiles, interacting with others, and getting ready for dates, we all have a tendency to act similarly, but for some reason, we don't want to admit to doing these things. So please allow me to apologize on our behalf for the faults of internet dating.
The list is endless, but here are ten of the most prevalent behaviors we avoid acknowledging when dating online:
1. Too much focus on appearance
We're gullible. It's okay. And I'm the first to confess it. I firmly believe that personality is *way* more significant than appearance (if you need proof, just look at my exes). But let's face it, dating apps are quite superficial on the surface. Based on someone's images, you can tell immediately away whether you want to chat to them or not. I'm aware that I've passed on candidates whose profiles were quite witty simply because I wasn't drawn to them based only on their appearance.
2. Concerned about the first message
No one knows how to start or maintain a conversation on dating apps, so it's not surprising that we often worry about sending the first message. Who will deliver it? How soon after we match should I submit it if it's me? What should it say, then? Is what I drafted additional or sufficient? What should I respond if they sent it in order to continue the conversation? Those are some of the thoughts I have every time a match is born, though that could simply be my nervousness talking. I'll guess that I'm not the only one.
3. Pretending to be interested in someone's fundamental interests
On their profiles, people frequently say the same offensive things. They enjoy tacos, puppies, and Breaking Bad. We comprehend. Since I enjoy each of those things, I won't pretend to be concerned about any of this. Tell me what makes you special. Include a humorous joke or boast about something that not everyone can. Instead of losing my interest with your mediocrity, use your pictures, bio, and messages to grab and hold my attention.
4. Online dating obsessive stalking
Regardless of what you say, EVERYONE among us has been known to "creep" on our matches. It might be tricky to know when "stalking" has crossed the line, but it's simple to get sucked into a web of online dating research. Just for safety reasons, of course, you want to know everything there is to know about them. If I said I never spent $5 for a background check to determine whether the person I matched with was legitimate, I'd be lying. If I don't want to die, that's not my fault!
5. Using multiple apps at once
I mean three when I say more than one. For months, I've had Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge downloaded to my phone. But because various people use different apps, it's a wise idea to do this. I've found people on Bumble who I couldn't find on Tinder, and vice versa. Utilizing multiple platforms increases your chances of meeting someone. Duh. The best tactic is this one.
6. Ghost people you stop caring about
I detest being ghosted, but I have ghosted acquaintances who no longer interested me. Yes, sending a brief message that reads "I'm no longer interested in talking" or anything like after interacting with someone for a few days or weeks would be excellent. I've never sent one that way before, so I have no idea what it should say. Don't criticize me. Sometimes it's simply simpler to vanish. Are people nowadays really so disposable? I'm not certain. I don't believe so, but why should we keep wasting time on someone if we know it won't do anything?
7. Not paying attention to our notifications
However, there are moments when we aren't ghosts. We occasionally unintentionally lose track of possible dates because we're actually forgetful. Why do we harm ourselves in this way if we want to find a relationship? Sigh. I can't tell you how many opportunities I've lost out on since our matches ended after 24 hours to talk to incredibly gorgeous, amusing people. Why? I simply forgot to open the program, that's all. Even though I have notifications enabled, which allow me to see as soon as a connection is created, I just forget to go back in and message the other person because I obsess over the timing of the first message.
8. Before bed or on the toilet, swiping
Although I personally don't swipe, I have a ton of friends who do. Swiping before bed until I can hardly keep my eyes open is my vice. This is a problem for a variety of reasons, but particularly because
My eyes are so tired from using them that I can hardly see straight and can't think or swipe logically
Instead of getting overly excited over someone who I'll probably never even match with in the first place, I should actually be resting before night.
But hey, no matter where you swipe or for how long, it's a wonderful way to kill time, right? Right.
9. Before dates, send our friends outfit photos.
I've always given wardrobe choices a lot of attention before going on dates with people I met through dating apps, to the point where I'd send my best friend three selfies in a row in various outfits to see which one, she liked the most. Because if you don't automatically second-guess your appearance while going on a first date, do you even care about that person or want to make a great impression on them?
10. When we're frustrated, we delete the Apps.
I'll uninstall the dating apps from my phone if I don't use them for a while, if I feel annoyed when unpleasant messages are sent to me, or if I haven't found someone "good" in a while. Not necessarily, as I'll likely reactivate them in a few days or weeks whenever I feel bored or lonely. But I'm far more guilty than I'd care to confess of frequently deleting and redownloading the apps. It turns out that this behavior is quite typical when I ask friends and potential partners about their dating app habits. Folks, the difficulty with internet dating is real.
It's Not Just You
Are all of these actions committed by you? If so, come on in! It's not just you. We may be searching for a hookup or truelove, but that doesn't mean we won't act foolishly, carelessly, awkwardly, or stupidly while doing so. At least, I won't.