We all enter into partnerships because we desire love and adoration, as well as a sense of value and security. However, each person looks for more than just these necessities in a romantic relationship.
We all enter into partnerships because we desire love and adoration, as well as a sense of value and security. However, each person looks for more than just these necessities in a romantic relationship. What then are the remaining valuable items?
We frequently lack the ability to articulate our fundamental wants in a relationship because we have never given them any thought. Therefore, we begin dating someone fresh in the hopes that they will make us feel happy, but this never happens.
You should start determining your relationship needs in order to prevent experiencing another love letdown. You'll find it much simpler to drift toward the ideal individuals and avoid wasting time on fruitless relationships when you have a clear structure of your demands.
So how can you determine what is right for you? Find out by reading on.
Human needs can be divided into a number of categories, including physical, financial, emotional, and others. However, psychological requirements are what most relationships require.
The following are the fundamental ones:
Additionally, you can organize these ideas into a hierarchy and choose which are basic and which are more or less flexible.
For instance, you place a high value on loyalty and trust and want your partner to do the same. Therefore, if someone lies to you or cheats, it's off the table.
Despite the fact that you are accustomed to talking about your emotions, you don't mind if your spouse is quiet or reserved instead.
In essence, each person must assess their own needs and seek out a mate that shares these beliefs.
We all place a high value on elements that are essential to creating enduring relationships, such love, passion, support, etc. But do we hold them in the same regard?
The answer is obviously "no," as each person has their unique order of needs. It implies that a particular need, such as raising children, may not be as vital to one person as the couple's emotional well-being, but may be.
What factors determine it? Studies reveal that age is the main factor influencing the distribution of values. [1] Other elements include family customs, culture, education, social circles, and personal characteristics.
Although everyone's belief system about good relationships includes fundamental needs like support and compassion, the relevance of these needs might differ from person to person.
Related article: Long-Lasting Relationship: 10 Principles for This
By comparing your wants and the other person's capacity to supply them, you may choose the people you wish to interact with after you are aware of your essential needs.
You risk losing yourself in a relationship and doing things you don't like if you don't have a clear sense of your values.
But don't worry. You'll be able to identify your core needs with the help of the methods below.
The idea of love languages was first introduced in the 1990s by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. These are essentially the ways we show and receive affection in our relationships. Knowing your love language will help you better grasp your relationship's fundamental demands.
Five love languages exist:
Select one of the factors below that is the most important in a relationship to determine which of them is your preferred language. According to the previous list of love languages, each choice is appropriate.
When your significant other expresses their affection for you or pays you compliments and admiration; when you spend the majority of your time together on weekends, when your loved one frequently surprises you with gifts.
Physical touch is physical closeness and sex; words of affirmation are emotional support; receiving gifts is receiving attention; acts of service are performed through help and support; and quality time is attachment.
To identify the aspects of a relationship that you find appealing or intolerable, try a short activity. So let's start by figuring out what you like to do.
On a sheet of paper, repeat "I adore it when / It's amazing when" at least 10–15 times. Then, think of a fitting conclusion. Relationships from the past or present can be used as an example. Your needs are expressed in what you wrote.
If you're having trouble articulating your priorities in a relationship, consider working backwards. It entails highlighting the traits or behaviors you find offensive. Again, write "I can't stand/hate it when" numerous times on a piece of paper, completing each sentence.
Let's imagine you stated, "I detest it when my partner leaves dirty dishes in the sink," as an example. It indicates that you value neatness in your family members and want them to view cleaning as an enjoyable job rather than a cause of stress.
When you think of additional phrases, go through the entire list and add them. You are now free to write as much as you like. You'll eventually learn to distinguish between core principles and idealistic but optional values.
Once you've made a list of your demands, it's time to select which ones are absolute necessities. It's acceptable to hold yourself to a high standard and seek perfection. However, it's possible that you won't find somebody who meets all of your standards.
Use the method below to reduce your needs to five to seven essentials. You now have a list from the last chapter with around 15 of them. So, make a list of your requirements on little pieces of paper and place it in front of you on a table or other flat surface.
Now picture yourself entering a bridge to cross a river, but you have to leave one item outside. What will it be, exactly? The similar technique can be repeated until you have five to seven things that are necessary for a loving connection. Of course, depending on your personality, the number could be larger.
The final stage is to rank your urgent demands in order of importance. It's a good method to decide what qualities you'll search for in a relationship in the first place and to walk away if those qualities aren't there.
The discussion is a useful tool for determining a couple's compatibility and whether their worldviews are similar. It will also assist in comparing your values and boundaries to see if you share them.
When should you begin expressing your fundamental needs? It can be hard to bring up topics like having children and spending money on a first date. Some topics, like preferred holiday destinations, can be discussed at any time.
You'll typically have to wait until the fourth or fifth date. Until then, make sure there is chemistry and an emotional connection before talking about important issues. Otherwise, matching the values would be a waste of time.
Naturally, you and your partner will differ on a number of issues or priorities. There are fewer chances for this relationship to last in the long run when there are many differences.
But before you decide to end the relationship, consider the following:
Keep going if the first and second questions are both "yes." There is yet a chance to reach an understanding.
If you're dating someone right now, you can evaluate your present relationship to find out what matters to you.
Ask yourself the following inquiries and record your responses:
What about your partner's behavior do you find appealing? They might respect your views or give you space when you need it, for example.
What does your relationship lack? Perhaps you have frequent feelings of loneliness or feel neglected by your relationship.
When was the last time a relationship made you feel inspired? What was going on? For instance, your loved one declined to accompany pals to a pub so they could spend time with you.
What has recently caused you anxiety or worry? Perhaps you believe your partner hasn't been completely truthful with you or you've seen some indications that make you suspect infidelity. [3] It indicates that you respect openness and honesty.
What part do you play in this partnership? When one spouse takes the lead and the other follows, for instance, you could prefer the conventional approach. Or perhaps you would rather divide up the decisions and responsibilities.
Despite being universal, basic wants and values do alter over time. It can happen naturally as a person ages or as a result of significant life events. Social media and marketing have a significant impact as well, particularly on young and middle-aged adults.
One intriguing result of modifying at least one value is that the others start to adjust to fit it as well. It usually takes a year or two and doesn't happen overnight. It implies that you will have a different personality and slightly different values in ten years or so.
So be cautious of that and periodically assess your demands.
Mutual pity is the first step in creating a happy relationship, which is followed by and strengthened if the pair shares the same fundamental needs. Because of this, it's crucial to spot them right away. It will make it easier to eliminate unsuitable mates and concentrate on finding the ideal one.
